The Art Of Fart!

007tengdinDSC_2609I am a Dog! I love to just lie around and enjoy life at my own speed. I love to be with people but not be bothered by people if you know what I mean. I am a Bernese Mountain Dog…..I don’t like to fetch, I walk fast but I never ever run!

I doo LOVE FOOD……I am the best at “snatch and woof down food” concept……I pretend I don’t care but as soon as the humans leave the building and leave the food on the counter, mostly because I tricked them with my “I don’t care” attitude……I snatch it and woof it down. And no one is the wiser! I am so clever and it tasted so very good!

But then my stomach pinches and moves in ways I didn’t know it could. But I LOVE FOOD and now it is torturing me! ??? I LOVE FOOD and admittedly so not all food loves me…..this makes me so very sad. But when I LOVE FOOD and it LOVES ME BACK….I am blessed, I am at peace with my conquest of counter food.   I LOVE FOOD is a double blessing ….first it tastes so good and then it sneaks out my other end and makes a sound that everyone can hear and I can share! It is so good and so bad…..because now the humans know that I snatched food and ate it all. This sound is like soothing music to my ears……this sound is like a fire truck alarm to the humans….now they know that I LOVE FOOD and snatched it off the counter and ate it all.

This sound is like air out of a balloon……sometimes so loud people make comments on what they just heard and sometimes so silent, that it makes me proud! When this post-snatch feeling overcomes me, I quickly move to a crowded space, my pillow under the desk, or close to the door because I doo want to share this blessing and yet I don’t want to sound the alarm to the humans…….I enjoy it ever so much, yet always hoping no one will notice or better yet they might think it belongs to someone else! I sit there with a smile of peace and at the same time a look of “its not me!” Yup! I have them fooled……until something else happens…..after the funny sound, comes a smell, starting so small but then blossoms to something so divine for me…..that I just lay there, so very relaxed……funny thing it doesn’t have the same relaxing effect on the humans…..I just don’t understand why they stand up and walk away, or spray another odor around the room after all I have just blessed them with this wonderful scent. I love to share my “good things” with my best humans. The humans are always saying my name over and over…..I am sure they are thankful! I have also been blessed with a big sweeping tail so I can better spread the wonderful scent all over the place. A swoosh here and a fart there, a sway of the tail again and the room is smelling heavenly…….Now you know all about The Art of Fart!

The only downside is my “snatch and woof down food” has been revealed and the humans know I ate the birthday cake! But I would doo it again and again….just so I can share my “good things” ……the Art of Fart!

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